Forgive me Ray…
Because I am a daughter of Blackheart and the dawn forbids me.
Who will blame me?
When I am reared to be one.
Those moments I consciously cause you pain…
Those time I caused your strong eyes flood with tears, forgive me Ray.
I was born a princess but circumstances turned me into a Jezebel.
Those times I watch Father pummel mother.
Those times I watch him flog her like a slave
Those times I watch her cry and slit her wrist
I swore to revenge.
A young girl I was then, so tender, so innocent
But those thoughts hardened my heart to a rock
And just like father I pummeled my doll
Just like father I flogged Aboy my younger brother until he fell sick.
Mother was too weak to notice.
She was too pained to care.
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I watch mother bleed… I watch her groan her teeth in agony.
I watch her weep each time she lost a pregnancy,
Until I lost count.
Then, that fateful day…
The sun was unusually solemn and Father was nowhere to be found.
Aboy was outside playing with the kittens.
I… watch mother breath her last.
It was a slow but painful death.
I cried until my eyes turned red.
Aboy came in shortly and saw mother’s lifeless body. He tapped her and said “mother I am hungry”.
I told him mother is gone…
But he could not understand, maybe I did not understand too.
Two days later, after mother’s burial. Aboy died.
I swore to Revenge.
Though Father was arrested and sentenced… I was not satisfied.
I swore to make everyone pay for it, all men.
I nursed that pain in my heart until I am a grown woman.
And you came into my Life Ray…
So gentle and loving
So caring and faithful but I choose to course you pain.
Forgive me…
I wonder if the sun has set in my Life because I have a dark heart and I deserved to be cursed.
To languish in the pit of agony.
But I need to heal Ray, please don’t leave me…
For those times I anonymously cancelled your business contracts, forgive me Ray.
I wonder why such a good man like you will pass through pain from a devil like me.
Forgive me Ray…
I never choose to be like this… you know, circumstances reformed and reshaped me.
A beautiful name I have got “Happiness”
I want to live my name from henceforth…
I want to heal, I want to truly love.
The pain of mother’s feeble eyes and dry mouth
The pain of watching Aboy’s white face while lying on his sick bed
Aggravated all these…
I decided to give no man the chance to even raise a voice on me.
I was scared history will repeat itself so I treated you with so much pain, disdain and disrespect.
I played a dangerous game Ray but I am ready to make amends.
Forgive me Ray…
But, will you blame me?
MMESOINSPIRES
